We're All Broken

It is said that while an extrovert thinks while talking, an introvert thinks before talking.  As someone who has grown more introverted (not to be confused with shy) in recent years, as a result of the extrovertedness mothering requires of me, I agree.  Which is why I could never be a full time blogger.  The thought of being forced to "talk" every single day, even when I have nothing to say, sounds like some kind of torture!  Sometimes I wonder how I was ever a full time math teacher.  But, things change, and our personalities evolve.  In short, I only write when I have something important to say.  So, here I am.



To continue with my first half-marathon training saga, this weekend's long run was 7 miles (Hal Higdon's Novice 2 Half-Marathon Training Schedule, Week 4).  I did it.  It was tough.  But insanely satisfying.  And it rocked my world!  Our run yesterday got thrown a bit of a loop with the winter weather (=ice!) that we got served.  We had to wait until after lunch for the roads to thaw so we could get to the Tobacco Trail, which is such a beautiful place to do long runs.  All of us are morning exercisers and anything after lunchtime often feels sluggish.  Strike 1.  Unfortunately, we got to the Trail, and it was still completely iced over.  Strike 2.  Because we wanted to run and not ice skate, we relocated to the Cary Park area.  It was pretty hilly, and we encountered lots of huge, unavoidable mud/slush puddles.  Strike 3.  But we just kept running, mud and all, and finished strong and satisfied.  These wonderful bodies God made, can sure do amazing things! 


Those tiny people in the distance are Ashley & LeAnne running on the Tobacco Trail last week.  Cool pic, huh.
Yes, they're ahead of me.  They're crazy fast.  I managed to hang pretty close until mile 6 when either they sped up or I slowed down.  :)



Just another beautiful, but frigid, weekday run on White Oak Creek Greenway.  I had my big girl on her scooter with me for this 3 mile run.  Notice snow still on the bridge!

My body continues to be a little unhappy with me after the long runs, which I hear is fairly common with marathoners.  Seven miles rocked my body's world.  An hour or two after I was home, my body felt completely spent.

As my physical body was reacting to how it had just been pushed, I then had a conversation with a friend that pushed the emotional part of me to the limit.  This friend, a sister in Christ, wants more of me than I'm giving.  She intentionally wants to get into the mess of life with me and go beyond food and kids.  I'll thank my 20's and a string of hurts from women and situations in my life, for putting the protective armor on me.  I have trust issues.  There, I said it out loud.  Acknowledging it is the first step, right!  (smile)  And then, I'll thank the boom of social media, which while an incredible blessing in some ways, has been detrimental to my ever increasing need to be alone to recharge my batteries. Texting and Facebook-ing, allow me to be "connected" to many, many people in my life, but without true intimacy (Ick, the I-word!), and without depleting my social energy.    

Needless to say, at the end of this day, I was wrecked.  Broken.  Spent.  I don't like being broken.  I don't like to admit I'm broken and that I have really broken parts of my life.  I have spent years trying to protect my brokenness.  Do you know how much energy that takes!  In many ways, I'm such a softer version of myself, than I've ever been.  But, in others, I've become more independent and self-sufficient as I've aged, likely as a result of the callouses of life and friendships gone wrong.  I don't want to need anybody.  I don't want anyone to think I need them.  But, the truth is, I need them.  We all have a gaping hole in our lives that needs others.  Every single one.  No man was created to be an island.  



Suffice it to say, that I am relishing in today, Sunday, a true day of rest.  Rest for my body, my soul, my spirit, and the broken parts of me.  God has this spectacular way of meeting us where we are.  Imagine the laugh in my soul as I listened to our Pastor speak this morning on the subject of doing life together.  Yeap, it was just for me.  He continued our current series, Come Together, by addressing our culture that promotes isolation, autonomy, and inauthenticity. 

So, what's your point?  Ok, I'll wrap it up.  If you need the CliffsNotes version, here it is: 

• We are ALL broken.  Everyone has their cross they carry.  As you interact and encounter people every single day, be aware and be sensitive to the brokenness of humanity.
• God made us for authentic community.  Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.  Galatians 6:2
• Be that kind of friend.  The kind Jesus wants us all to have.  Trustworthy, transparent, patient.  Who's willing to get in the mess.  Cause that's what love is. 
• Consider taking a hiatus from social media.  A day, a week, a month.  To clear your head of the "perfect life" it portrays and to nurture real relationships.  I'll be signing off of Facebook for the next week.  My brain needs a rest from all the perfection, wealth, and pseudo-happiness I see.  So if you need me, holler at me some other way.  

Thank you, to the friends in my life, who put in the effort to really know me.  Who are incredibly patient with my introvertedness.  Who keep pushing me to shed the exterior armor.  You know who you are.

And sorry, to the general public, who came looking for recipes.  Cause you aren't getting any today.  Maybe soon.  Maybe.  All you're getting today is a dose of inspiration.  It's my blog and I can do what I want... :)

 

Still running...7 weeks and counting...

Dawn